Feeling…temporary

Got back from Bentley’s party an hour or two ago. Stuys was the only person I knew, but about 20 minutes after I arrived, she was heading out. So it was a party full of strangers, and I had the chance to meet a lot of cool people. Good ol’ Bentley. He would stumble around, then suddenly posture up and give this sincere talk about not forgetting where he came from.

As I was cruising home at 3am on the 60 East, I thought about how many nice, fun, and interesting people I’ve met throughout my life. Like those I met tonight, in all likelihood I would never see them again. Great people, wish I could get to know them more, but that’s how it is. It got deeper from here though. I remember listening to Bentley reminisce with his friends about their good old days, and it made me think about my friends and our good old days.

I feel that, even with the people we do get to know well, we never get as much time as we’d like with them. When we meet up again after however long it’s been since the last time, whether 3 months or 3 years, we’re different people. Different people with different experiences and different mental maps. Like we’re meeting them all over again. We don’t live in little villages where the first 50 faces we see are the only ones we’ll ever see in our lives anymore. It’s such a transient society now, and I can’t help but get to feeling…temporary.

Ran into Sujaya the other day at Chow’s birthday. Sujaya Evan Robert Jeffrey = SERJ, and then later Neo Arcon. Shit, we thought we’d stay best friends for life. Ain’t no drama or anything now. There was at one point, ain’t none now. But we have our distances from one another. It’s amazing where we all are now individually, because it’s such a far cry from how I imagined us in 8th grade.

Sometime towards the end of high school, or perhaps the beginning of college when we were all less busy and more able to congregate, Amy said: “I wish we could all live together in a house! As one big happy family.” I think Thanh also said something along those lines once too, in reference to another group of friends that felt as close as family.

Under “Religious views,” my facebook profile states “a little scared that there might not be an afterlife.” My family’s Christian, so I grew up believing that there would be a Heaven. For reasons I won’t go into in this entry, I have doubts about its existence now. Heaven, however, would mean an eternity where I could kick back with everyone I’ve had the good fortune of coming across and see what they had been up to their whole lives. All the time in the world to really get to know someone, really learn what they have to share from their experiences, really understand them.

Charmaine told me that she believes this life is all we have. We only pass through once, and all we can do is make the most of it. Still scares me, but I should embrace it.

I’m really glad I have people to hang out with in LA now. Linda, Dennis, Chow, thanks for introducing me to your friends, they’re really awesome, and I’m sorry I can’t make it out as often as I’d like to. To everyone, I hope I can kick it with y’all soon.